eulogy for grandmother with alzheimer's

It wasnt until after she died that I was able to honor the memories she would have wanted me to keep, the vibrant ones, the ones unfettered by repetitive questions and painful moments of outright confusion. Just five weeks after my mothers passing, my 90-year-old grandfather fell and broke one of the vertebrae in his neck. Tweets by @ModernLoss But finding a way to act friendly and cheerful and talkative with the woman who still looked like my grandma required me to put my memories of her pre-dementia identity on hold. Heres what I mean: dementia reveals the true essence of a person. My aunt Judy was born in Kamloops, my mother in Revelstoke, and my aunt Esther in Vernon, and the family made its way back to Vancouver in 1950, when the Canadian government allowed Japanese Canadians back to the coast, four years after the end of the war. If you ask my four kids about their memory of Grandma, theyll likely talk about Thanksgiving 2 years ago. There was no high school in Deep Bay, so Grandma finished school at 13 and began to help her family on the fishing boat, in the cannery, and also working berry picking and farming. Everyone told her that it was okay for her to go home but her stubborn little body just kept fighting. I cant say for sure what her memory and consciousness were allowing her to experience, but Id like to think that we made one last connection before she left us. You Might Have the Better Claim But I Have the Bigger Army. Because you'll know where they come from. Until finally, it is over. This hits me close to home as my own grandmother recently passed away after suffering with dementia for a decade or so. When confronted with the question of why, Mom laughed and said: I dont know. And many of us here today are the fruit of those prayers. I've got some good topics coming up. We thought that the trip would provide a nice diversion for all of [], [] itshard to watch friends lose their moms (and dads) much too young, I know from my own experience that, eventually, they will come out the other side, stronger and wiser, even though that ache [], [] This will be my eighth Mothers Day since my mother died. We honored my mother, Dixie Benton Stucky (1953-2013), on Saturday, June 29, 2013.We hosted a memorial service at Western Hills Church of Christ in Austin, Texas. Tags: Dementia, Grandparent Loss, It's Complicated Thinking of you, my dear friend. We are hoping to move him into a nursing home closer to my grandmother early next week. What you see is what you get. Ironically, it seems fitting that such body memories ended up dominating a eulogy for someone who died of Alzheimers disease. By Bob Thune One of which was Margaret Mavis Harpley, 85, who had been suffering with Alzheimers Disease for a number of years. I can see so much of your mom and dad in you and that is superb. I probably wanted to throttle you and I was taking it out on your heads! We all laughed hard, then noted how long it took for each of us to realize you dont have to shake your head violently to wash your hair. She loved nice shoes and clothes and was always well turned out. Two years ago, Harold and Pat came to my church for the first time ever. Individually, people suffered immensely. Then we held a graveside service later that day at Sealy Cemetery in Sealy, Texas. The glass was always half full. Thank you. They say that ones deep childhood memories are the last to leave a brain invaded by Alzheimers, in part because they are literally embodied in ones skin and bones. Wish I could have been there at the funeral. I would even say theres such a thing as nave optimism. I cant remember a single time I was around her when she wasnt encouraging, exhorting, or urging me and others toward faith and obedience to Christ. I will always remember how you prompted me to seek out help when I was grieving, and I would be happy to be there for you too, if that is what you need (now or in the future). I finally found peace after Alzheimers disease. I mean the good kind a sanctified pride in her family. Grandma was pretty frail by then and I wasnt sure she even knew who I was. In her mind, Thunes were great at everything and everybody ought to acknowledge it. [], [] was pregnant with my second daughter and chasing after a toddler when my mom died. | [NBC News], We Cant Comprehend This Much Sorrow [NY Times], The Familial Language of Black Grief [The Atlantic]. In 1915, her mother came to Canada as a picture bride. When you ask Americans over the age of 60 what health threat they fear the most, overwhelmingly they say Alzheimer's. When I was first asked to share a few words in honor of my grandmother, I was tempted to wind back the clock about ten years. From what you said, shes more like my grand ma. After grandpa died, Grandma began to travel and explore the world. I feel like I lost my mom a long time ago, but there was no funeral, no obituary, no headstone, no closure. I think that it would have been easy to sink into depression after the internment, or to be consumed with resentment and bitterness. I wanted to know what it was to lose her husband in such a shocking, dramatic way and how she was able to rebuild her life. She entered hospice care when I was pregnant with my first daughter and passed away, almost two years later, when I was pregnant with my second daughter. I was finally ready for her to go. I didnt know I would say goodbye to my mother eight days after I wrote Keep Me In Your Heart: A Fathers Day Wish. They had never seen me sob, and they couldnt grasp what was so sad about losing a person who barely remembered me. Clara Sent from my iPhone. During the night on the 23rd of December she suffered a stroke that left her non-responsive on the 24th, and that afternoon she died. For someone who is diagnosed with it, there is no cure, and no treatment to reverse its course. She's her old self again, happy and vibrant and sharp as a whip. Big hugs from afar,xoHelen, Date: Tue, 7 Jan 2014 22:07:04 +0000 To: helenm_moore@hotmail.com. Thank you. Maybe some short stories. I think it was a chapter of her life that she wanted to forget and erase as much as possible. Your email address will not be published. 'http':'https';if(!d.getElementById(id)){js=d.createElement(s);js.id=id;js.src=p+"://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js";fjs.parentNode.insertBefore(js,fjs);}}(document,"script","twitter-wjs"); Privacy Policy Terms of Service RSS Feed Contact Us Donate, 2013-2022 Modern LossTM, LLC. Grandma never heard my dad preach a mediocre sermon; 3. 5 Things to Do Before Visiting a Psychic Medium, 10 Ways to Overcome Grief-Related Anxiety, The 9 Things No One Tells You About Scattering Ashes, The Movement to Bring Death Closer [NYT Magazine], He Met George Floyd in Sixth Grade. She was perpetually cheerful, joyful, and sunny. Growing up as a kid with that kind of a grandmother had a way of bestowing confidence, self-worth, and a sense of rootedness. I didnt hear my grandmother say shoganai. She didnt speak of the internment at all to me. Archives Is she dead? I asked, in disbelief, but I knew the answer. After a couple of days of absorbing the shock and trying to erase that final image of my mothers lifeless body, I woke up that Monday morning feeling at peace. Even though she was not physically demonstrative, we shared hugs and held hands when we walked around Honolulu. A cheerful heart has a continual feast (Proverbs 15:15). She stopped going to her film class; she quit her book club; she lost interest in seeing friends. Because while the most meaningful memories of Grandma are those from days long past, the most accurate memories the ones that most clearly reveal her true character are the most recent ones. Life in internment camp was very hard; the sense of being shamed, set apart and treated unfairly was, I think, almost worse. The other 80 percent of preventing Alzheimer's is well within our control, based on how well we eat, how often we exercise, how much stimulation we give our mind and how socially active and spiritually replenished we keep ourselves. We held the funeral yesterday and I gave the eulogy. The blow to Grandmas sense of self-worth was hard to recover from. I also remember my husband sitting by her side talking to her for several minutes. I had already spent so many years grieving and honoring the memory of my mother and best friend. When I wrote Keep Me In Your Heart: A Fathers Day Wish about the imminent loss of my mother and her father, I had no idea that my mothers battle with Alzheimers disease would end just 8 days later.. Death after Alzheimers disease. Share on Pinterest. By Tullan Holmqvist in My Loss, Personal Essays. [], [] This Sunday will bemy second Mothers Day since my mother died. When I logged onto Zoom to lead a session on friendship, my true love was waiting in the grid. Most of the other stories fell away to the point where I couldnt remember them either. They worked hard and their daughters had good educations. All rights reserved. Mhw Mods Allowed 2020, Your email address will not be published. Sure, several people offered to help here and there, helping my parents move houses, or more recently, going with me to visit my mother. We hosted a memorial service at Western Hills Church of Christ in Austin, Texas. Ill try to post on those later. Shed experienced a bad fall, and Id come to see her at the hospital. I dont know how much time we have left with my grandfather before he is reunited with my mom. The reason is that my mother's mother, my Grandma Sugiyama, passed away on Christmas Eve. It was vibrant and living and worshipful. m_gallery_title = "Dementia cruelly, methodically took my mother\'s life"; Nicknames For Harley Girl, For some people, we're here to celebrate "Lou." For others, "Mom." Do you know youre precious? she would ask during every outing together. But to me, that was a great picture of who Grandma actually was. Since the doctors were unable to diagnosis exactly what kind of dementia she suffered from, her children and grandchildren had no general timeline to predict her decline. She was always and forever an influencer. Hi Lea, I certainly will. It felt inappropriate to mourn Grandma Pauline, while she was still with us at least in the literal sense, but the spirit of her was so far away. Lauren Flake is a wife, girl mom, native Austinite, seventh generation Texan, artist, author, and Alzheimer's daughter. Thank you for reading the post. Grandma was an expert seamstress and sewed clothing for her family. I was the eldest, born at least 7 years before the next grandchild, so I commanded her attention, plus she was a fairly young grandmother with lots of energy for a young child. She traveled Europe, South East Asia and Japan, and made many trips to the U.S. also. After all, she and her community had been unfairly victimized for nothing more than their ethnicity. 3. She had a sense of the ridiculous and was always ready to laugh over anything silly. That is how we will always remember her. However, by the time she was 85, the connection Id always considered so special, essential, and real had truly become formal and foreign. During the night on the 23rd of December she suffered a stroke that left her non-responsive on the 24th, and that afternoon she died. Required fields are marked *. Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email. But if she lost them, then I can only hope that she lost, too, the bitter memories of wartime and the hard years of struggle afterwards. The unexpected health risks of skim milk. Saying goodbye to my mother. Heres a transcript of what I said instead. Karthi Khaidi Telugu Full Movie, He remarked at her graveside that how we live now, going forward, is part of her legacy. I am so sorry for your loss but what a moving memorial for her life. It was vibrant and living and worshipful. eulogy for grandmother with alzheimer's; Recent Comments. I know what I've found out so far has made a huge difference in my own life. She grew up in Deep Bay, on Vancouver Island, where her father was a fisherman, ranging as far as the Alaskan Panhandle on his small boat. [], [] That night, a great peace washed over me. Search for: Recent Posts. As a young woman, she came to Vancouver, to attend sewing school. When Id ask about my grandfather, Norman, who died in his late 50s in a plane crash on his way to Japan, shed remind me that I was named after him. But you never know what small, barely noticeable gestures and habits might become your most visible, defining characteristics in the eyes of your children someday. My mother certainly got an A ++ in this. Ive been in a bit of a shocked state because I think I believed she was eternal, even though she was 94 and getting frailer each time I saw her. She didnt wander off and she never completely forgot the members of her immediate family. When I tell people that Grandma Pauline died last year at the age 96, the response is almost always some permutation of You were blessed to have her for so long. That is true in the technical sense. : A Preschoolers Guide to Losing a Loved One, Where Did My Sweet Grandpa Go? She fixed my hair with gentle hands. Men nr jag passerade ldern d han dog, ndrades ngot. Ive edited it a bit because I wrote it to read out: My grandmother, Susan Sugiyama, was a woman I would like to honor today with my memories of her. One year at a family event, my siblings and I started reminiscing about this practice. I told my husband I feel like when I hold her hand, Im asking her to stay with me. For some reason, I knew that she would let go when no one was watching her; I felt she wanted it that way. Tony Dearing may be reached at tdearing@njadvancemedia.com. But the truth is that my grandmother had been gone for more than a decade when she took her last breath. Registration on or use of this site constitutes acceptance of our User Agreement, Privacy Policy and Cookie Statement, and Your California Privacy Rights (each updated 1/1/20). Theres no filter. Vincent OKeefe is a writer and stay-at-home father with a Ph.D. in American literature. She's gone. I am the oldest of Harold and Pat Thunes 13 grandchildren, and it is a privilege for me to represent them today by offering a few reflections on Pats life. For those of you who dont know me, my given name is Robert Harold Thune or Bobby, as my grandmother called me for my entire life. I felt I was able to reach her in that moment. The next day, Saturday, June 22, 2013, I walked into her room with my dad. I believe that if the information is readily available, and consistently reinforced, it's possible to get through to people and to change behavior.