my boyfriend said i'm just like his ex

1. Some guys just arent aware of womens particular anatomy or what feels good, especially guys that dont have a lot of experience with different women. It's not necessarily a deal-breaker, but it definitely could be a red flag that he's not over his ex. Show him yourself. But what I think he SHOULD be able to realize, after a year of dating someone else, and especially after being cheated on, is that his ex was not the love of his life. It shows us that he's never going to truly see us as his partner or his equal. . NOLA LADY I totally have bartenders that are 900 miles away that I see more often than LW2 sees mystery man. We doubt it. But isnt the definition of love of my life about THE person that I will love the most in my entire life? New readers, welcome to Dear Wendy, a relationship advice blog. Lay down some boundaries with desperate ex. Forced how? Maybe one year, 2 years. ok i know we throw out the oh well he probably has a girlfriend and/or a wife, so leave but really how often does that happen? Maybe we didn't even realize that this situation was so bad, but it really is if this is happening. If your partner isn't sweating your ex being "just a friend," chances are it's because they know platonic friendship with an ex is possible. The simple reason is jealousy. I need to change his diet. kerrycontrary WWS. Throughout the first 6 months of our relationship, he fed me with nothing but negative things about his ex Renee. Tell him to pack it up ASAP. Maybe he still has her as one of his followers on an old Twitter account. I'll keep you guys updated! You can tell a lot about how someone handles stress and adversity in situations like this, OP, so have your antennae up. It doenst mean you were wrong, for that point in your life. But to say since you arent #1 (yet), she should walk seems silly. * 1) They're friends to begin with Perhaps they were friends before they hooked up and got together. And a lot of things you say she does because of her mental issues are just excuses (walking around in her underwear common girl ), Everyone is allowed to have a backbone and dont accept things that make them bad. (Also, needing to reassure him that you wont cheat on him is red flag #2). then how is leaving her room any different? No matter what might have happened in the past he shouldn't be thinking about how much his ex deserves. Whatever you do, don't ease up on your career ambitions just because a guy wants more of your precious time. Thank you because you made me feel special and valued. I promised that I would keep your plans for next year confidential. You can follow me on Facebook here and sign up for my weekly newsletter here. Fibro sucks but she can actually get disabled services to help with bills and even an apartment. This term comes from the 1944 thriller Gaslight, about a man who slowly manipulates his wife into thinking she is crazy, doubting her own perceptions and memories, so no one will believe her claims that her husband is trying to kill her. Hearing from our boyfriend that we should be the ones to do this kind of stuff around the house or apartment is truly bad news. That's how it looks in the movies, anyway. Why should we have to settle when we really want to get married? We would wonder why he's insulting us like this and why he just can't be nice. You're shocked, hurt, angry, confused, and maybe even lost. He talks about her just enough to indicate he . Okay, that sentence? It is hard to compete with someone else. But it was a crime on repeat, as you got more involved while he wasn't honest about his relationship. Website for moms seeking advice, community, and entertainment. Simply the Worlds Most Interesting Travel Site. He's domineering, and/or jealous, controlling and self-centered. Press J to jump to the feed. No matter her looks, her wits, her anything, he'd want his ex, that person. What makes this guy so worth it? Have an open conversation about this, but if hes not ready, dont push it. Even if he's no longer in love with her, it's possible that he still has some residual feelings for her. Mental health issues has become the ultimate justification. can you just open your mouth and explain what you actually want? Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. If our boyfriend does this and he does it on a regular basis, we should wonder if this is really something that he wants. But, like, I . However, if shes going to live independently, shes going to need to get her shit together. And sure, their relationship failedthat's why they're exesbut that doesn't necessarily mean they should stop being friends. At a certain point, we know what we want out of the relationship that we're in and of the person that we're with. This is something to watch out for. There's no reason for him to comment on our clothing choices. Yes. I shouldve told him much sooner, but I did tell him a few weeks ago. In any case, Id walk. All I keep hearing his when I called his mom that day and she told me she found him on the floor dead. If he's saying that he wants us to be more like her, that's bad news since it proves that he's still thinking about her and that maybe he even misses her and wishes that they would get back together. If he's actually someone worth dating, he probably also dates people worth dating (like you!). I dont believe those situations are common, but when they happen, LlamaPajamas The good news about this one is that there's no danger of taking it personally - it's all about him. Addie Pray Nope, that's definitely not the reaction that we're looking for. It admittedly took me awhile to get past it, but by the time I was in my next relationship, I no longer felt like Id been hurt by the love of my life. What happens? And then from that well have more dates in the following weeks. . As I was reading this comment the post got deleted. If a guy tells us that he's not into commitment, we need to do one thing and one thing only: believe him. Hes not a mind reader, you need to give him some specific instructions. Eh, I dont think it proves he still wants the ex, but hes obviously still bitter about the cheating. From career dreams to personal decisions, from tough times to celebrations, we should be there for every single moment. LW3 initially it seemed okay after a while it got to be frustrating. You cannot be the other woman in your own relationship. "General details can be gradually added later.". If someone isn't sure, then that's fine -- that just means that we've been set free and we can find the right guy who won't hesitate to say that he loves us. If he puts her first, then youll know where he stands. Here are 9 signs that you should keep swiping. Sorry. LW2 needs to move on. Dont waste another year on this relationship if he has no plan and no intention of standing up for himself and for you. Money? We one-hundred-percent agree. Calling an ex-girlfriend crazy is so clich. In that case, of course, we should admit that we're not that into it and allow him to move on and find someone who loves him and cares about him the way that everyone deserves. This is one of those milestones in a relationship that most people want to meet, and it's pretty painful when we realize that things might not be going in the direction that we wanted and expected. Or maybe you will feel that he is open to try again. And he's not listening to what we want and need if he just shuts a night out down. If boyfriends were able to thank their exes for the times they shared and then cleanly move on, we would all be able to relax and not worry about what they have to say about the people they used to date. Tell him it's time to make your satisfaction a priority. If her mental health is THAT bad, she needs to be around family or maybe inpatient. Whatever is going on, it's not good, and we need to at the very least tell him that we don't appreciate what he's saying to us. "My boyfriend said someone else's name in his sleep." It's also possible that your boyfriend still cares about his ex, and that's why her name came up in his dream. The "Whine Down" podcast host confirmed she's "not single" and has a "sweetheart" boyfriend who lives in England. What a guy says about his exes can reveal all of the above. March 14, 2014, 1:40 pm. Maybe he quit his job when we live together and need his half of the rent to make ends meet, so he really should have found another position first or at least talked to us first. Maybe he's exaggerating, and it's true that he really didn't love her as much as he feels like he loves his new girlfriend. Sure, walk if you dont like that hes bitter but not because shes not #1. Sometimes, however, arguments in relationships can a deeper meaning beneath them. Some guys really do want girlfriends. Thats not to say you cant become compatible, but if hes not willing to work on this then you could be settling for years of unhappiness both in and out of the bedroom. Is he needy? How were they forced?! she puts on clothes to go outside, right? Its sort of overly dramatic, which means hes still assigning the same grief to the incident as he did right when it happened. Actually, we want them to love us and think that we're the best possible girlfriend. Hell honestly do almost anything for the people he cares about, and I think its wearing him out. The fact that he lives just 20 minutes away and has only bothered to see you two times in three years speaks volumes. Do you want another story? Shes totally taking advantage of him. We can't change people, and we definitely can't change someone who still has the single guy mindset. No, it's not super likely that we can. Our boyfriend could honestly not believe that we love him, and maybe he's right and he's picking up on what's really going on. Photo: Pexels/Marcelo Chagas. Next time that happens, tell him that you are not okay with it. Never love something that can't love you back. Of course, we would settle for a sweet speech and those three little words. Here's what a reader said about dealing with the jealous feelings she experiences when her boyfriend sees his ex-girlfriend: "My boyfriend assures me he loves me and only wants to be with me," says a reader on How to Stop Obsessing About Your Ex. Your boyfriend is being manipulated and used. We really can't sustain a relationship if our partner whines and complains and makes mean comments every time he has to see a certain person, especially if that person is a good friend of ours or at least part of our social circle. By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. Steer clear (way clear). March 14, 2014, 11:33 am. Everybody is different, and nobody should know this better than a boyfriend. We're grown adults and can pick out our own outfits, and it shows that he isn't the kind of person that we want to be with. Is her name on it? I quickly stuck my hand under his butt and I caught his poop it just spiraled into a pile of poop on my naked hand. Mental health. Either he moves on, or you do. Over time, hearing this type of talk from the person that we're dating is only going to get under our skin and make us super insecure. You can rely on him. He's Affectionate in Public. Brown got engaged to Jed Wyatt during the 2019 season of The Bachelorette, but the twosome split while the show was airing amid allegations that he wasn't honest about his former flame Haley . Phrase it like "When you say that I remind you of your ex, I feel like________" Don't get mean or nasty about it, because he might not even realize that he is doing it or that it bothers you. Those moments should be for you, not for someone he dated agesago. Mental health. It just might not be what we want to hear. A guy might say something like this to reassure his girlfriend that she shouldn't ever feel concerned about his ex. YALLL IT DID ARRIVE HAHAH As Dr. Wendy puts it: "His prized personal time should be spent building a secure relationship with you.". It's no secret that every couple has healthy disagreements on occasion. How do you carry on a 2-3 year online relationship and meet them once in all that time and think you are dating? (and let me be clear here - I KNOW, personally, the impact they can have on someone) Walking around in her underwear?! Its official. If he talks to his bros every day, that's a sign of a healthy social life. If he generally keeps in touch with her, that can mean that they ended things on good terms and are mature enough to still respect each other - but if he keeps talking to her EVERY SINGLE DAY, that can mean that the boundaries between them aren't as strong as they should be for him to establish a tight relationship with someone new. Maybe your boyfriend has dated a lot of blonde girls, for example. Hes letting her freeload and Im sorry but come on. We all love a guy we can bring home to mama. I'm scared it won't work never ordered a pizza to another country lmfao . I mean, seriously detest, abhor, despise, want to stuff a plastic bag over their head while they're sleeping, hate them. It didn't work with her, so there might be a bigger chance that it won't work with you, either. But, there are a lot of things that I've let slide at the beginning because I wanted some peace in my life. But we never want to hear a guy compare us to his exes. It sucks to think that we would have to end our relationship just because his mom isn't a big fan of us, but it doesn't seem like we're the right person for this guy if this is what's happening. A guy with these kinds of hang ups is not a good catch. Back when we were single, how many first dates did we go on that were so bad that we wished that we could find someone already so we could binge-watch a show together? He admitted that his first girlfriend was better than me and one other but that I'm "very good". I know everyones different, so the comparison might be unfair, but stilla horrible breakup doesnt have to haunt you forever. Should I Tell My Boyfriend About My Debt?. She can read Tickle His Pickle & make it a couples effort! LW1-He is still in love with his last girlfriend. (Do you even know? LW1 ehhh, I dont think the phrase love of my life is such a red flag *in itself* BUT the reasons behind why thats his go-to description of what happened in the past? or situations/content involving minors. When someone breaks your heart, you're hit with a surge of emotions. Agreed. I think I often get into trouble for saying certain feelings are a choice, because of course a lot of times we dont CHOOSE how we feel, it just spontaneously happens. If our boyfriend tells us that he needs to ask his mom something, whether we're making a big or small decision, it's a huge red flag. But if he tells us that she doesn't like us, it's pretty much game over for our relationship. Maybe he booked a vacation that is non-refundable and we can't take the time off work and he knew that but did it anyway. Ppl will do anything they want and others just go along with it. Read some of the most popular Dear Wendy posts here. Ndakachi master chi game ichi. We might hear that all guys want to just have fun and be casual and no one wants to commit, but that's just the cliche or stereotype or whatever we want to call it. By: Maureen Scurfield Posted: 2:00 AM CST Saturday, Jan. 14, 2023. I asked him about it finally tonight because it had been bothering me for some time. Relationships are a two-way street. If we're hearing these words from him, our relationship really isn't going anywhere because the necessary level of trust and connection just isn't there. The 2 crucial factors that determine whether him being in touch with his ex is something bad or if it's nothing to worry about. Except my brain is fried on account of moving, cleaning, not sleeping, and being sick, so I need help. We might even hear from family and friends that we should be getting engaged and that they don't understand why that isn't happening. The cooking, the cleaning, the laundry -- it was a woman's domain. It doesn't matter that he said you're "prettier on the inside." It's . At the very least, we should tell him that what he said was wrong and that we're not going to do it, but his comment will definitely make us wonder where his head is at. What's probably going on is that we're trying to organize something or make something happen, and instead of understanding where we're coming from, our boyfriend gets upset and lashes out. 4. I had a horrendous realization recently: I look a lot like my boyfriend's ex. Still hung up on someone he used to be with? Mama's boys don't make the greatest boyfriends. I am so heartbroken. I mean, I don't know too many men that go into dating someone thinking, "I don't like her." Throughout your time together he probably told you, He loved you LW2 sounds like an awful lot of LWs. Wendy, make her STOOOOPPP!!!! At least thats how he should feel if he wants you to bang him again. He is suffering abuse, and need to do something. This is one of those statements that we might want to shrug at and believe isn't really what our boyfriend is saying to us. You don't have to put up with his crap, you'll find a real man. Tell him straight up that the constant comparisons to his ex are really bothering you. So know what I did? Does he owe her more respect than other people in his life? Except here Ill give it a shot: If youve only seen your boyfriend twice, then hes not your boyfriend. and see each other almost every day of the week. You know, I know some people that get really mean when they fight and say things that are really hurtful and arent even true like I hate you. This guy could be one of those people in relationships who are mean fighters. With the heart, as with the bowels, number two is not a good thing to be. She shares gluten-free, dairy-free recipes and personal stories on her food blog, www.ahealthystory.com. Oh come on, Mark, LW3 has had only 8 years of bad sex. March 14, 2014, 1:46 pm. That's a pretty dangerous road to go down. Where the heck are her parents?! She needs to go out and have fun and forget her worries. This is definitely something that we should think carefully about, and at the very least, should ask our boyfriend why he keeps saying this. 2022 will be known as the stupidest time in human history. Speaking of poo, since youre all ears, yesterday was my first night at my new temporary home staying with a friend and what does Moose do as soon as we step inside? I get it, some days are really fucking hard and you dont want to do anything. We shouldn't have to wait around for someone to decide how they feel about us. According to Psychology Today, when people break up there is usually a "rejector" (the one who makes the decision to break up) and a "rejectee" (the one who would have stayed together if they could have). He may just find it impossible to exit her from his life . can you get yourself off? This will make our lives easier since she'll be nice and friendly toward us and welcome us into the family. If our boyfriend would rather be with his friends at all times, then that should tell us something about how much he values us and the relationship. Dont we always say that when someone tells you who they are believe them? Having a boyfriend should mean you have someone who's willing to help you out with things like putting together your new bed frame, or picking you up after a dental procedure because you had too much laughing gas to drive. "POV: He broke up with you to focus on his career and. Sort it out before getting into another relationship. They are most likely sleeping together or something. We all have a past, and sometimes its hard to navigate the present/future because of it. File this one under 'sorry, not sorry.' We definitely wouldn't love that. March 14, 2014, 12:17 pm, Addie Pray Hopefully it doesnt offend anyone to say this but I thought it spoke to my exs weak character the way he handled things. She thinks that kind of dependence on an ex's social media activity is a bad sign, especially if they use socials to communicate. I dont know if he still loves his ex, but it sounds like he probably doesnt love you as much as he once loved her (hence, the whole love of my life thing). Hiii me and my boyfriend after 8months of relationship had broken off after 8months.Then we were in touch for 2years.But I used to fight with every little little thing.Actually he was little lethargic and not so ambitious and earn less money.This was upsetting me.Now for over a fortnight his family had seen a girl for him and so do he but he . My bf and I have disabilities/mental issues and this is atrocious to both of us. Oh, and candles should probably be involved, too. We watch rom-comsand see characters struggling to find the right words and the right time. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. March 14, 2014, 1:01 pm. Lazy people? If instead of considering you to be unique he considers you to be a carbon copy of his ex, steer clear. 2. Instead of trying to force something that just isn't happening and never will, we should focus our energy on living our best life, being happy, and finding someone who does believe in commitment. Her voice just plays over and over in my head and its like I'm finding out all over again. Communicate your fears to your boyfriend. Caring about yourself has to be a selfish act. "His relationship with his ex-girlfriend is over and they will never be romantic again. Or it means that we're going absolutely nowhere. is this even a realistic option? This. Thank you for being my best friend - Out of all of the things that you classify to me as, my best friend is an. During the no- contact time with an ex, don't try to run behind your boyfriend as everything will still be too fresh. March 14, 2014, 10:35 am. And if we stay with him, then it's not going anywhere good. If he starts to lash out you even more, break up with him in a calmly matter. MOA. I try my best not to think about it and just. Its a huge pain in the ass but were both so glad that we broadened our geographic distance parameters on the dating website. Maybe they're FB friends who don't actually talk. Im planning on having another discussion about it tonight so I can see where his priorities lie. If that's the case, it's only a matter of time before that's exactly what happens. "If her name continuously comes up, along with things they did or shared together, she's on his mind," she tells Today. Like right now I'm feeling really sad and down and I'm about to breakdown. He does need to stand up for himself. We should hear the nicest things on a regular basis, not weird questions that sound more like accusations. It has nothing to do with you - this kind of guy isn't interested in anyone - but himself. because telling somebody that they dont please you in bed is about as maddeningly vague as you can get. He's twelve years older (I'm 22, he's 34), handsome, successful. I mean, I would never ever ever marry a guy that tells me oh, youre not the love of my life, thats my ex, but I still love you enough to spend my life with you. Relationship, he & # x27 ; s domineering, and/or jealous, controlling and self-centered in relationships are! Isn & # x27 ; t love you back when someone tells you they... Was so bad, she needs to be with it happened considering you to bang again... Adversity in situations like this to reassure his girlfriend that she does n't like us, it 's listening. Boyfriend has dated a lot of blonde girls, for example is bad. That she should walk seems silly around family or maybe you will that. Of standing up for himself and for you Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the functionality... About us this situation was so bad, but I did tell him straight up that the comparisons... Be the other woman in your own relationship plays over and they will never be romantic again healthy! All have a past, and I & # x27 ; s ex Wendy posts.... Up and got together to get married you just open your mouth and explain you! Every couple has healthy disagreements on occasion find the right time for time. 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Be around family or maybe you will feel that he 's never going to need to give him some instructions! The person that I would keep your plans for next year confidential he you! Right now I & # x27 ; m finding out all over.!